love~
i miss u..terribly.
u know the question that has been in ur head, regardin eugene and you.
let me tell u why i know i love u.
because i miss u more, so much more than i miss him.
because every morning when i jus get out of bed, the first thin that comes to my mind is u
because every nite before i slp,u're the last thin i tink about.
whenever i cook in the kitchen, i would tink of what u would like before i start cookin ur fav dishes. i bought so much beef recently and i dun really love beef as much.
because when i bathe, i'll tink whether did u bathe.
i would stare at the com for hours, to see if u r online.
i would get jealous when u're not tokin to me with alot of concentration
i would look at ur neoprint and hug it close to slp.
i would always wear my long keychain because i'm proud to tell others what u've train me to do.
love..its all for u, not him.
even when i was in love with chin hao.

i never felt this way before.

i'm sorry for always grumblin bout u bein nt romantic
sorry for accusing u of not puttin in enuff effort
sorry for takin up so much of ur time.
sorry for bein not understandin
sorry for not darin to trust u.

only when i've lost u, did i know how much i love ya.
how much i din treasure u when u're right beside me
i promise ya i'll change, i'll love ya more and be nice. and not grumble and compare anymore.
cos i understand ur love for me is different. its abt being always there.
its abt bein sweet by doin things for me that are impt but i never notice.
its abt lovin me non-stop, wholeheartedly.

darling, here is my 1st ever blog post... dedicated specially for ya my sweetie. it has been a wonderful "honeymoon" at Exeter. i will firstly like to apologize for throwing temper at the 1st day,almost spoil our whole honeymoon. but the following days, it was wonderful and lovey dovey. hee.

here are some snap shot of the food which my sweetie cooked. *a big pat on her back* nice effort, and it aint taste as bad. for me, all score 8.5/10 on average. hee.

Fried rice. look familiar love? looks yummy~ and it taste yummy too. at least to me...



Proudly present~~ my love's specialist Ai'Xin Steak with creamy pepper sauce with fried onion, it not only filled my tummy and it warms my heart love. Thanks baby **muacks** it makes our honeymoon complete. ^.-

not forgetting the heartwarming Ai'Xin cookies-and-sweets to accompany me on my journey back to Singapore. i am not alone throughout the long and lonely way home. you're the best sweetheart one can ever have.



a lil note for my love:. baobei, note the whole post is in purple colour, its specially dedicated for ya. purple is the sign of our love. **huggies**

dear a gentle reminder::, do remember to add a timer to your blog to count down for your return, we shall count down together..

more to follow.....as our love story contiunes..

wo ai ni....

from your sweetie skunkie..always in your heart..

happy anniversary love~
:D
emily shared with me her love story regardin nic and her
he was on drugs and he quit it so that she would go out with him
awww~
i miss u love. dinner doesn't taste quite the same without you.
i miss u terribly.
thanks dar, for bein so wonderful this entire 1.5 yr.
i know we'll have many to come but i wanna let u know, i see ur effort.
the way u hug me close to ressure me
the way u panick when i panick
the way u try not to cry so that i won't
u're really a gift.
and i thANK god for ya.
i'll tink of u everyday and in everyway.
u mus too ok?
be strong love, for i'm always in ur heart.
*press a kiss on my ring*
i'll try my best to stop cryin love, but u know, cryin is a gd thin for me.
if i dun love sumone or if my heart is cold.
i can't cry.

but u warmed my heart, i feel safe and loved to cry in front of u.
so dun blame me if i do.
need to buy mushrooms for lunch tomorrow.
plus bread. :D
hopefully the bank letter comes by then too.

oh ya, before i forget.
my address. write it this way ya.
Miss samantha hsu hwi hong
D106
Lafrowda Flats Block D
Cornwall house
St german's road
Exeter EX4 6TJ
United Kingdom

just wan ya to know
i love u dar, always truely and deeply.

read a few blogs today.
i was laughin at briAN's one.
i really miss them.
i remember someone telling me, this squad will never make it
they are so wrong i suppose. :D

i've got everyone to come back. well practically~
i miss them. really.
i like the process of bringing kids up.
i tink i'll be that kind of teacher that will stay back practically everyday to help out with the students.
a levels dun really have this interaction though.
so i guess, i'll love to start from secondary.
will u support me in this dar?

i bought a ring
sorta no atmosphere.
he even sorta threw a temper at me when i gave it.
hais, i wish one day he would really do smth big and romantic like other guys

i played time crisis with eugene yesterday
and he's gonna teach me how to play pool and cook scrambled eggs~
i guess the only guy that won't b angry wif me is him.
so 3 cheers for eugene.

i really wanna play pool and bowl and so so many stuff.
but i dun dare to do it with him, i'm afraid he'll get angry. :(
sometimes i wonder, is it my fate that all the bf i have will all have a temper.
i wish one day his temper would be gone.
that we can do alot of stuff together, like ice-skating. it'll be really fun and sweet~

i'm quite excited.
i'm goin to exeter. :D

I'm afriad things get so busy till i dun have time for him.
i've met with the seniors.
they're really cool~ but no doubt, they really changed.
this will be the largest test of our love.
i hope, pray we'll make it.
that we'll learn and find new love.

i'm trying my luck, to move into st germans.lol.
but if can't, then will have to make do with lafrowda.
i really hope i can fit in. but i mus study really hard. get first-class, den let dar and mom and daddy wear my first-class hat.

i know, i love him.
he's a big part of me. i dunno how, i'm gonna make it without his smiles.
and his ICCM smell. lol

i'm watchin tv, some 5.30 show on channel 8.
i guess i feel this way sumtimes..
i know..i gave him up..
i shouldn't..
but he's been a big part of me~ seein him and her makes me feel a sudden pang.

i miss the times whereby we can share the silence.
whereby i can just lean on his shoulder with his jacket..
and zzZz away while he studies at coffee bean.
i miss him msgin me automatically tellin me how is he and sharin his probs with me
i miss bein the first to know about his life..
i guess its part and parcel of recovery.
i suddenly miss chin hao very much too.

some things he said to me made me smile and really tink..
he'll always be him i guess.
he understands that i hate changes..that i feel vulnerable.
he told me.
"u're 19 already, the main characteristics are already there.
1 yr,3 yrs, 20 yrs later..
no matter what happened,
how much you changed,
you're always my samantha, our samantha.
u know why? because, we shared a past together,
we wrote a chapter of our lives together.
and that nth will change the past we shared.
what will change is your perception to life.
is the way you do and handle thing.
when u come back, as long as both parties are willing to compromise.
we'll move on together. yes, it'll never be the same.
because we'll learn to love and treasure you more.
because we lost you before.
because we will never let you go again."

i really brighten up after listening.
i guess, i will always remember what he says.
i guess, i really am goin to miss him. =)

its been pondering in my mind for this few weeks.
i have only 15 days left here.
whether i'll make it thru my years there. i really dunno.

ok. i am. i am really afraid.
i understand e logic in which u shouldn't grasp the sand too tight.
it'll slip thru fast. this is wat actually happen with me n yl too i suppose.
i feel very insecure.
i know, i can see. you've tried. u're lovely.
it hurts. i dunno y. i'm living everyday with more and more fear. can anione slap me and tell me what's goin on?with me. bloody fucking shit.
i hate myself.
it really haunts me. and i feel that i am withdrawing further and further.
i really need u. i know i'm suppose to be independent and stuff. but i dunno how. i wan to.

i miss being confident, miss being super unapproachable to guys. miss having a big armour of needles on my back.
i feel so naked.
i feel so empty.
it is not ur fault. but mine. i wan to be cuddled.
i wan to feel that i'm loved more. i feel so vulnerable.
i feel so selfish. i feel that i am a fucking bitch.

i jus always have this feelin. you'll leave me one day.
i know u've proven me wrong.
but i dunno how to trust.
i feel so tired and torn in between.with myself. i'm sick and tired of myself.
i feel like jus slp and dun wake up.
waking up to face this insecurity in me makes me feel like shit.

i've grown so dependent that i feel like a slug, a fucking burden.
i dun wan, i wanna stand on both feet, strong and confident.
i wanna shout to the rest of the world. i love myself. i'm not afraid of the future.
but i cant. i hate woman that are dependent and sticky, i feel that i'm bein one.

really, someone slap me. or lend me a shoulder to cry.
i'm gettin more and more afraid that i am shivering even as i'm typin this.
i hate myself.
i wanna stand up.
again.

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